By Connie Stieler
Inspired by a post seen here…8-Bit Penis Scarf.

This scarf will amaze and dazzle, or terrify people wherever you go! The ultimate gag gift or bridal shower accessory! This pattern is available for FREE to Knotty Hookers everywhere! Yes I did take quite some time to get this beauty ready but in the end it was not my original idea. There were no apparent resources included with the original photo even after days of searching so this is simply my interpretation. This pattern has not been tested but I feel my notes were accurate, I will not claim them to be perfect I am human after all. Please enjoy and post your pics online, I would love to see what you come up with!
Please note that this is pattern is better suited for intermediate/experienced crocheters and isn't beginner friendly.
You will need to prepare bobbins in advance or use separate skeins for colour changes as you do not want to carry your yarn in this project, just simply drop until you come back to it on the next row when you will need it again.
When changing colours, do so by finishing previous stitch with the new colour.
Loops & Threads Impeccable
Lippy for main colour = P
Rich Orchid for head = O
Black = B
J or 6mm hook
Ch 2 counts as first stitch throughout pattern unless otherwise stated.
On return row, you will sc in to 1st ch of turning ch 2.
Starting at widest part of testicles.
- Starting with B ch 3, P ch 29, B ch 1, P ch 29, B ch 3. Ch 2 turn.
- Working in purl bump behind chain (this helps tremendously when finishing bottom portion of scarf) sc in 2nd ch from hook and across row, changing colours as needed. End of row should read 4 B, 30 P, 2 B, 30 P, 4 B. Ch 2 turn. ( 70 st )
- Repeat 9 times more ( 10 rows total ).
Continue in this manner for 6 more rows, eliminating the 2 B in the middle of the row.
At end of 6th row ch 1 instead of 2. Turn.
- Sl st into 1st 4 st and 1st P st. Ch 1, sc in same st. Sc in next 3 st. P sc across row to last 4 P st of previous row. 4 B sc, ch 2 turn.
End of row should read 4 B, 54 P, 4 B. ( 62 st )
- 3 B, 54 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 2 more times ( 4 rows total )
At end of 4th row, ch 1 instead of 2. Turn.
- Sl st into 1st 4 st and 1st P st. Ch 1, sc in same st. Sc in next 3 st. P sc across row to last 4 P st of previous row. 4 B sc, ch 2 turn.
- 3 B, 46 P, 4 B, ch 2, turn.
Repeat 4 times more. ( 6 rows total)
At end of 6th row ch 1 instead of 2. Turn. ( 54 st )
- Sl st into 1st 4 st and 1st P st. Ch 1, sc in same st. Sc in next 7 st. P sc across row to last 8 P st of previous row. 8 B sc, ch 2 turn.
- 7 B, 30 P, 8 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 3 times more. ( 5 rows total )
At end of 5th row ch 1 instead of 2. Turn. ( 46 st )
- Sl st into 1st 8 st and 1st P st. Ch 1, sc in same st and next 3 sc, P sc across row to last 4 P st of previous row. 4 B sc, ch 2 turn.
End of row should read 4 B, 22 P, 4 B. This row sets you up for the shaft of the scarf.
- 3 B, 22 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn. ( 30 st )
Here’s where things get boring for awhile…
Repeat 217 times more or longer if you desire.
Head:
- 3 B, 4 P, 13 B, 4 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 4 more times. ( 5 rows total )
- 7 B, 13 O, 8 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 5 times more ( 6 rows total )
- 3 B, 22 O, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 4 more times ( 5 rows total )
- 3 B, 10 O, 2 B, 10 O, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 5 times more ( 6 rows total )
At end of 6th row ch 1 instead of 2.
- Sl st into 1st 4 B and 1st O. Ch 1, sc in same st.
3 B, 6 O, 2 B, 6 O, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
- 3 B, 6 O, 2 B, 6 O, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 5 times more ( 7 rows total )
At end of 7th row ch 1 instead of 2.
- Sl st in 1st 4 B and 1st O. Ch 1, sc in same st. 5 B, ch 2 turn.
- 5 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 2 more times. ( 4 rows total )
- Using next B bobbin, sl st in 1st O st. Ch 1, sc in same st. 5 B, ch 2 turn.
- 5 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 2 more times ( 4 rows total )
FO.
Finishing Testicles
- Join B with sl st to 1st P st. ( Your work should be upside down now. If you worked your 1st row into the purl bump of the chain as recommended you should have a nice row of ch st to sc into. This will make your scarf appear seamless, no one will be able to tell where you started. )
Ch 1, sc in same st. 3 B, 22 P, 10 B, 22 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
- 3 B, 22 P, 10 B, 22 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 4 times more. ( 6 rows total )
At end of 6th row ch 1 instead of 2.
- Sl st in 1st 4 B and 1st P, ch 1, sc in same st. 3 B, P sc across row to last 4 P of previous row. 4 B, ch 2 turn.
*** - 3 B, 15 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 2 times more ( 4 rows total )
At end of 4th row ch 1 instead of 2.
- Sl st in to 1st 4 B and 1st P, ch 1, sc in same st. Sc across row to last P st, ch 2, turn.
- Sc across row, ch 2 turn.
Repeat 2 times more ( 4 rows total )
FO ***
Second Testicle
With B, sl st in to P st. Ch 1, sc in same st and next 3 st. 15 P, 4 B, ch 2 turn.
Repeat from ***.
Pockets - Make 2
- Ch 18 + 1. Turn
- Sc in 2nd ch from hook and across. Ch 2 turn.
Repeat for a total of 17 rows.
Leave long tail for sewing pocket onto scarf.
Use picture for pocket placement or attach where desired.
Pockets are made for a few small items and not for a huge hand, feel free to change it up!
FO, weave in ends. Enjoy your hard work and expect a few laughs!
My finished scarf measured in at 69.5" long 19.5" wide at full ball span.
Happy Hooking,
Connie
*** ATTENTION!! I am so grateful and excited to add a graph for all you visual folks out there! Many many many thanks to Jenn and her team from Yankee Yarns who actually graphed this pattern and have given me permission to add them to my pattern for all to use. I am completely overwhelmed with the response to this pattern. Please remember that I am not a professional pattern writer and I have offered this for free based on how I deciphered it from only looking at a photo. I sure hope the graph option will be helpful to everyone, happy hooking!***
